just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
