I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
