so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
