I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I met the friendliest cop last night
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Small penises have feelings too.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
