He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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