the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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