Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
