How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
