I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
