All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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