mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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