twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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