i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
