so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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