I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
