I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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