Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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