I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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