He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I have demons in me.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She's the barista slut.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
