shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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