I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
ttyl tear gas
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
