Yo dont text me then not text me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
