I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
