Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
