so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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