I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
