Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
And then my night got REAL pukey
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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