You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
