A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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