im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
