If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My vagina is very pro this idea
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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