Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
