Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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