she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
