So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
