Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
