Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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