If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
