I think scott just propositioned me for sex
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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