this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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