things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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