she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
