Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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