hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
