I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
