well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
