i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
