like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
