I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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