Just mADE A PArabola og urine
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
