Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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