hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
